Scenes from a Tuesday: Finding the Magic in the Midweek
It was just a Tuesday. Nothing extraordinary happened, I packed my hospital bag. A cozy going home outfit, a grey waffle knit robe, a matching set of ivory cotton pajamas. Our darling girl’s going home outfit rests right on top of everything else I've deemed essential - you pack a little less come the fourth baby. I’m so excited to see her, hold her, to whisper how much I love her. I feel like we have waited a long time for her.
In 2018 I said yes to being a surrogate for a friend. We transferred their one and only embryo that December and unfortunately it did not take. They knew we wanted to grow our family and understood if we wanted to move forward while they decided what was next for them. We had our son and things were on hold with covid but after his first birthday we revisited surrogacy for them. Over those years until the beginning of 2024 we transferred a total of 3 out of the 4 embryos they adopted, 4 transfers in total from beginning to end. Unfortunately none took... We never got answers as to why, but the journey was an emotional one for both parties. They released us from our oath, beginning of 2024, ans eventually John and I revisited the topic of having another baby.
As mentioned before I did have a miscarriage on June 9th 2024, oddly enough our rainbow baby… our darling girl, is due June 9th. I like to think that perhaps she is a great promise. A long awaited for wish, I had spent so long putting everything and everyone before myself but in some way things realigned themselves. Truly this pregnancy has been so beautiful. I feel and look great, we are excited and surrounded by a loving village, and we are looking forward to finally having her in our arms.
I don't think the nerves ever really went away after my loss but I sense a beautiful future is in motion. I think my nerves will settle once she's here. Until then I'll continue to prepare our home. My daughters are currently preparing themselves for big sister duties to come. They rock their dolls in a little wooden play bassinet, one has a bunny in a doll carrier wrapped to her body, my son tells me all the time how he will protect her.
It was just a tuesday, nothing extraordinary - except the way my daughters tucked their dolls in for a nap, how the early evening light poured into the kitchen while I stirred dinner with my son at my side, and how i took a moment to close my eyes and savor my husband's kiss on my forehead, his gentle hand on my belly. This post may not mean much for some but for me it is a love letter to the kind of day that slips by unnoticed unless we stop to see it. Because motherhood isn’t always major milestones. Sometimes, it’s the inbetween, folding little socks that will soon be worn, second cups of coffee and the soft hum of a life that is well-loved.